First night away from Alexander

Last night was our first night letting Alexander sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's. We were invited to a party, and decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to see how Alexander would fair without us for a night. In reality it was a trial to see how I do without him for a night. I trust my parents fully and completely, I mean my sister and I turned out pretty good, so I knew he would be fine. We are lucky in the fact that because breastfeeding never really worked for us, and I stopped pumping a few weeks ago due to dwindling supply. Because of this it was easy to be able to go out and not worry about having to find a private area to pump and dump. I gave my mom all the intructions, kissed my little man, and off we went. I got into the car and immediately told my husband that as soon as we got to the party I needed a drink so I didn't drive right back to my parents. We got to the party, I had my drink, and from then I was ok. I thought about him the entire time, and kept looking at my watch to try to figure out what they were doing. i.e feeding, going to bed, ect. I successfully went without calling my parents until this morning, and found out that he woke up twice during the night, which he does not do at home. When my mom told me about him waking up during the night, she followed it up by saying she was pretty sure he was looking for me. Well, that is all she had to say to get me into the car and on our way back to my parents for some much needed cuddles! I am very happy that we did it and were able to get out for a night of adults only for the first time, and i know it will get easier now that we have 1 night under our belt. Everyone needs a night out every now and then.

The Diaper Decision

The decision between using disposable or cloth diapers is a personal choice that depends on different factors, financial, environmental, convenience, and what you feel is better for you and you baby. We decided to do cloth diapers after my neighbour did them and raved about them. They seemed pretty easy to deal with, I mean what's an extra load of laundry when you are washing baby cloths all the time anyways?! Once you decide to use cloth diapers and wash them yourself, the next step is to decide what cloth diapers are best for you, prefold, pockets, sized, all in one, it can be very overwhelming. For financial reasons, we decided to start with some prefold and covers, and the BumGenius Flip diaper system, as they were the least expensive, and then go from there. I used the prefold system for about a week and decided it was not for me. I found the too bulky and I just didn't like them. I like the Flip system, but I do find that they tend to leak sometimes. A friend suggested I go on Ebay to purchase some baby legs from China, and while looking at those I found the company that carried them also carried cloth diapers. I ended up buying 1 one size pocket diaper to try. It was only $8.00 and had free shipping so I figure if it was crappy then it was only a waste of 8 bucks. It took 3 weeks to get them, but really it was free shipping so I can't complain. When I got it it was ADORABLE!! It was way softer than I thought it would be. I washed it with that nights diaper load and tried it the next day, and I LOVE IT!

As you can see it looks a little big, but that is because my little man is still small and it is a diaper that will grow with him. I love it so much that I have ordered another 2, a camo print and a giraffe print, looking forward to getting them in the mail!

Cloth diapers can become a bit of an addiction. I have heard that from many parents who use cloth. I find myself going into diaper stores looking and wanting, even though I thought I had enough. I then came across the website http://www.cozykids.com/ and they were having a sale 6 one size pocket diapers for $45.00 plus shipping, so I decided to give them a try. Again for that price how could I go wrong? I am SO glad that I did because when I got them in the mail I was surprised to find a blue leopard print diaper included in the 6 that I was not expecting.

The solid colour diapers are different than others because the material is slightly stretchy, which is a feature that I love. I did have one diaper where the PUL separated from the fabric, but I emailed CozyKids and was sent a replacement diaper right away. If they have another sale at that price, I might just have to bu some more!

Breastfeeding

I don't know if it was just me being naive, but I thought that breastfeeding would be easier than it was. I didn't expect it to be easy, but I certainly didn't think I would need to get help! I was actually looking forward to the experience, but from the beginning Alexander and I did not agree about breastfeeding. We constantly fought each other. For both of us it was painful and exhausting. Every 2 hours we would go through the process of trying to latch and it would always end up in both of us in tears. We went to lactation consultant and we seemed to get things under control, but unfortunately it didn't last long. By the time my husband went back to work, we were back to fighting every time it was feeding time. Breastfeeding is "supposed" to be this wonderful bonding experience, but for us it was dreaded time. The closer it came to feeding time, the more stressed out I would become, and I could see it in Alexander too. Finally I decided to pump more often and feed him from a bottle. From that day on feeding time was the bonding time that I had expected it to be, just a little different than I wanted. In the end it was a combination of things that made it so difficult for us. I was not producing enough milk to satisfy him, and he was not getting it fast enough for his liking.

c-sections...scary and creepy!

The day finally arrived to for out bundle of joy(we did not find out what we were having) to arrive. The c-section was scheduled for 12:00 Friday November 5th. We woke up at 4am so that I could have something to eat, and to make sure we had everything packed. We got to the hospital and they put me in a birthing room to get my IV and relax(yeah right) until they were ready to start.

Now, up until this point I was honestly doing fine and not freaked out. i was perfectly fine with the c-section, it was the spinal that I was scared of. I knew it was the spinal that was going to hurt, and that I wouldn't feel a thing during the c-section. When they give you a spinal they sit you on the side of the operating table with a nurse in front of you trying to hold you steady while you are trying to hunch over, with a HUGE belly in the way, then they have the nerve to say "now don't move". Well DUH! I know I am not supposed to move, however you are trying to stick a needle in my spine!! PLUS they don't allow your husband in the room while they are doing it! Needless to say I flinched, more than once. Once it was don't they let my husband in, and he sat down next to my head and held my hand. As the freezing was going through my body I got this creepy sick feeling. I felt the tingling like when you get frozen at the dentist, but the tingling didn't go away! I started to panic. I could hear my heart rate speed up due to the monitor on my finger. I thought I was going to feel it when the Dr. made the first incision. When I realized I was being an idiot(well, when the Dr. said she was almost there), I finally relaxed and then feeling of knowing they were pushing and pulling to get our baby out, and feeling my shoulders moving side to side and not feeling anything else....CREEPY! Finally the Dr. got the baby out and showed my husband so he could tell me that it was a BOY!!!

Being pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be

OK, I know that some people are not going to be happy about my complaining, because I WAS able to get pregnant in the end, but after going through what I went through to get pregnant I feel I have every right to complain! I figured that I had gone through the crappy part and the rest would be smooth sailing, boy was I wrong! I have always been told that being pregnant was a wonderful time, and to enjoy it and my changing body. BULL! Don't get me wrong I did love the fact that I was finally pregnant, but it certainly was not the "wonderful" time I was led to believe it would be. It started off with that wonderful feeling, and I never really got any morning sickness, but I think I got just about everything else, migraines, heartburn, then I was put on sick leave 15 weeks before my due date because I couldn't sit at my desk for very long due to severe lower back pain. I ended up spending the latter part of my pregnancy in bed watching TV and reading(which is great at first...but you try spending that long in bed..NOT as great after a few days). I wanted to help with the bay's room, clean(REALLY and nesting urges), but when I tried anything I would end up in tears from the pain and right back in bed. We then found out that the baby was breech...ok REALLY?!?!? By this time I didn't think anything else could go wrong, but by was I wrong. I got sick, no biggie, until I sneezed and my child big head(as per the ultrasound technicians) decided to crack a rib. They decided to go forward and try to flip the baby into the correct position even though I had the cracked rib. I went to the appointment and I don't think I lasted 30 seconds before I said stop, enough! So the c-section was scheduled. I will add however that even if I knew what I was going to have to go through, I would have done it just to have my handsome little man.

getting pregnant is not as easy as it sounds

We tried for many years to get pregnant, but getting pregnant naturally was not in the cards for us. We were referred to the fertility clinic and after MANY tests, and 2 years of saving, we started the process of IVF. It is one of the hardest experiences I have ever had to go through. It was full of shots, ultrasounds, Dr's appointments 3 times a week, being poked and prodded, and taking numerous medications just in the hopes of getting some viable eggs. The drugs they put you on are hardcore, or at least they were for me. My hormones were going crazy, and I was crying a lot from the stress it all, but you do what you have to to get what you want. The eggs retrieval was the most painful part. I will not lie, I cried the whole time and even swore at the Dr., then quickly apologized. We were lucky and they were able to retrieve enough eggs to be fertilized, and on to the next phase, waiting to see if any lasted the 3-5 days and turned into embryos. Once again we were lucky, and had enough embryos to implant 2 and freeze some for future. The implantation process was easy and painless. A month after the implantation we had a blood pregnancy and test and to our excitement we were FINALLY pregnant!

Why I decided to Blog about being a mom

I decided to start blogging for a few reasons, 1)to keep a record of what Alexander and I have done, 2)for other first time moms to read and know they are not alone in how they are feeling, and 3)to give me something creative to do with my angel sleeps.

I wish I had started this at the very beginning of our roller coaster full of ups and downs, as it would have been very helpful and reassuring for many want-to-be parents. Anyways, I hope anyone who reads this finds it helpful, maybe even intersting.